(Satire) Sources close to the King-Without-a-Ring reported that ESPN will devote another hour covering Lebron James’ decision to take his talented flesh to Miami. This time….to get another tattoo.
Incredulous at first, ESPN never thought Lebron had enough flesh cap room left on his body to possibly accomodate another tattoo. However, upon further scrutiny, ESPN believed LBJ’s anticipated body art announcement warranted another prime time infomercial.
Hoping to avoid the train wreck of last week’s Lebron James’ Decision – Part I, ESPN announced that legendary rocker and tattoo afficianado Tommy Lee would host the event. Having gone under the needle hundreds of times before, ESPN thought Lee would offer credibility and maturity. Heavily pierced and more heavilt tatted, Lee will ask Lebron the body art questions all of America is pining to know. And maybe, just maybe, this time Lebron will actually remember all of the pre-scripted questions.
Tommy Lee’s interview will purportedly take place on a make-shift stage set in one of South Beach’s bevy of ink parlors. Aspiring tattooists from throughout South Florida as well as most members of the Denver Nugget basketball team are expected to be on hand to offer Lebron much needed support.
Speculation concerning the nature of more indistinguishable body art adorning the body of the reigning NBA MVP continues to build, and Vegas oddsmakers soon plan to post their prognostications. Undisclosed sources in the James camp have been heard to comment that:
Cleveland Cavalier owner Dan Gilbert suggested an image of Benedict Arnold be emblazoned prominently on whatever area of un-inked flesh flesh remained on Lebron’s body.
Former teammates Mo Williams and Anderson Verajou pleaded with Lebron to memorialize them by inking their initials on his back, you know, the very same back the former 23 carried them on the last two NBA seasons.
Reverend Jesse Jackson implored the now former Cavalier to display the words, “emancipated indentured servant” on the unfettered hands that passed, rebounded and scored so effortlessly for his Plantation minded bosses in Cleveland.
Bulls, Nets, Knicks and Clippers representatives pushed for Lebron to officially change his new Miami Heat number from 6 to 666 and ink it permanently on his forehead.
However, the decision on what to do next in Miami with his talented flesh rests entirely with the King-Without-a-Ring.
Tune in to ESPN’s next Lebron-athon, and you’ll know the answer to LBJ’s agonizing decision – and hopefully not after Tommy Lee’s 16th question.
MIKE – thee American made voice on sports!