(Satire) Facing mounting pressure from special interest groups and the United States government, Nike may recall its new limited edition Tim Tebow Air Trainers.
The blue and orange Tebow endorsed shoes, which sold out on nikestore.com within 5 minutes last week, have sparked a firestorm of protests. Among the disgruntled groups are:
Southern Baptists, calling for a boycott of the sneaker giant, expressed outrage at Nike for naming the new Tebow shoe the Air Trainer 1.2 instead of the John 3:16.
Jesse Jackson, threatening to picket Denver Bronco home games this season, assailed Nike for failing to offer similar shoe deals to other NFL back-up quarterbacks of color.
Pro Choice groups, still steaming from the QB’s Pro Life Super Bowl ad earlier this year, protested that the Tebow endorsed shoes infringe upon a woman’s constitutional right to choose. Pro Choicers plan to boycott not only Nike, but also Jockey, Bible makers and all other products associated with the evangelical NFL rookie.
The ACLU, claiming the Promise decal on the the shoes’ heel is another Tebow attempt to proselytize his faith, filed suit in Federal Court against the NFL to protect every American football fan’s fundamental right to separation of church and state.
Finally, Homeland Security reporting that any purchaser wearing the new Tebow shoes demonstrated an ability to walk on water while leaving no discernable footprints in the sand, raised its Threat Level to Red. The Department feared that terrorists would go undetected if they wore the new Tebow shoes.
However, Cincinnati safety Kyries Hebert was quick to challenge Homeland Security’s charge by offering, “The new Tebow shoes may not leave footprints in the sand, but when #15 runs over you on the goal line, they definitely engrave cleat marks on your forehead.”
Straight talk. No static.
MIKE – aka Mike Raffone – thee ultimate talking head on sports!