(Satire) The NCAA ruled today to vacate the University of Kentucky Basketball Team’s place in tomorrow’s Final Four in Houston, TX.
The unprecendented news infuriated faithful Kentucky followers and shocked college basketball fans everywhere.
NCAA President Mark A. Emmert cited the ubiquitous smoke and mirrors that kept Kentucky Coach John Calipari one step ahead of NCAA investigators at the University of Massachusetts in 1996 and then again at the University of Memphis in 2007 were certain to surface again on the slick Calipari’s resume.
Calipari declined to comment concerning this incomprehensible NCAA decision. Instead, the Kentucky coach busily prepared his squad for Saturday’s now inconsequential semi-final game versus Uconn while carefully interviewing perspective studious high schoolers to surreptitiosly ace future SAT exams of academically challenged Wildcat recruits.
In addition to suffering his third vacated NCAA Final Four appearance, Calipari also incurred an NCAA inflicted “Jim Calhoun and Jim Tressel type slam on the wrist” for failing to promote an atmosphere of compliance under his direction. Coach Cal will be forced to forfeit two out of his twenty lower level season tickets at Rupp Arena for the 2011 / 2012 basketball season.
Eager to console his cross state coaching rival, Louisville’s Rick Pitino offered Calipari a shoulder to cry on…sharing with him the secret cell number of Karen Sypher.
Straight talk. No static.
MIKE – aka Mike Raffone – thee American made voice on sports!