(Satire) NASCAR adamantly denied this morning that Nicole Snooki Polizzi’s car crash in Florence, Italy resulted from filming a new reality TV series called NASCAR Nymphs.
NASCAR quickly squashed surfacing speculation that the Charlotte, NC based organization had recruited Snooki to broaden the sport’s predominantly southeastern US fan appeal into Europe and sought to capitalize on the MTV Jersey Shore series star’s racy behavior and Italian roots.
Sally Ann Salsano, Executive Producer of Jersey Shore’s Production Company 495, quickly downplayed the traffic incident and quelled the NASCAR rumor. In a prepared statement, she offered that the 23-year-old self-proclaimed “Guidette” experienced only a mini-fender bender on a Florence, Italy roadway. The accident had nothing to do with filming a new reality tv show for NASCAR.
Salsano also stressed that no alcohol was involved in the crash which included Polizzi’s Jersey Shore co-star Deena Nicole Cortese. The 1.5 liter glass container resembling a Tuscan wine bottle found in the back seat that the Jersey Girls were purportedly reaching for was later identified by Italian toxicologists as nothing more than a major supply of the girls’ daily SPF 0.5 tanning bronzer.
While investigating the accident, Italian police also reported that air bags failed to deploy during the crash of the female drivers’ Fiat Multipla. Fortunately, however, the girls escaped certain injury as they were protected from the collision’s sudden impact by Snooki’s more than ample buxom bosom.
NASCAR officials appeared more than relieved to move past the Snooki problem. NASCAR is still minding its own situation with Bad Boy Kyle Busch who possesses a personality equally prone to hissy fits, unrestrained clashes with teammates and inane behavior.
Like Snookie, Busch also mindlessly speeds around in a circle while eluding those who would like to grab him by the camshaft and realign his chassis.
Straight Talk. No Static.
MIKE – aka Mike Raffone – thee ultimate talking head on sports!