This season, I have officially muted the World Series games on television.
Whaaaat???? you wonder in wild protest.
That’s right, sports fans, you heard me the first time. I have employed the ultimate power tool – that glorious device known as the Remote Control – and exercised my God-given right to officially mute all MLB World Series telecasts.
Now don’t get me wrong on this. You bet I love baseball, but I loathe the litanies of insignificant facts and figures foisted upon me during TV telecasts.
You see, boring baseball statistics have always driven me bonkers.
Do I really need to listen to FOX’s Tim McCarver, Master of Minutiae, tell me how many hits a Phillies batter got while hitting lefty versus righty, or how many of his total hits were to the opposite field off right hand pitchers who were born to blond haired mothers whose father’s uncle’s milkman’s neighbor’s son batted .327 for the Yankees AA Farm Team in 1968 and who is 13 times more likely to scratch his crotch area with his right hand when entering the batter’s box during rain delayed Sunday afternoon double-headers in July?
Wheuh! Stupid MLB statistics stifle my baseball likeability!
During this Fall Classic, I’m opting to watch in silence and serenity the bountiful beauty of America’s favorite past time . . . without being burdened by baseball banalities.
Straight talk. No static.
MIKE – aka Mike Raffone – thee ultimate talking head on sports!