Minnesota Vikings’ Peterson Receives Twitter’s Inaugural NFL Award (Satire)

(Satire) Last night Twitter, the world’s pre-eminent micro-blogging social media site, presented its inaugural NFL Twit Head of the Year Award for reckless remarks to Minnesota Vikings’ All Pro RB Adrian Peterson.

Twitter initially planned to award the gleaming NFL Crystal Ball Twit Head Trophy to a worthy NFL personality at the start of its next season. NFL Twit Head Award finalists included megolomaniac Cincinnati Bengal WR Chad Ochocinco, oft-retired sexting QB Brett Farve, and AFC Title Game Runner-up NY Jets coach, the bombastic Rex Ryan.

However, due to failed NFL labor negotiations, coupled with Adrian Peterson’s recent comments likening his professional football employment to slavery, Twitter management considered the timing more than ripe to present this inaugural and inglorious distinction.

Peterson appeared nervous on television receiving his Twitter award as well as during his acceptance speech. Though admittedly earning a whopping $10.72 million this year, the Viking star RB stressed that his regrettable racially incendiary “slave wages” remarks were taken out of context, even though he expressed them twice.

Prone to putting the pigskin on the turf during big NFL games, Peterson proceeded to provide a near perfect repeat performance during this inaugural Twitter event. In a major ooops! move, Peterson inexplicably fumbled the gleaming glass trophy while being escorted off stage. The fall created a sea of glass shards sparkling across the floor.

When questioned about Peterson’s unexpected coughing up of the now shattered NFL Twit Head of the Year Award, Twitter executives downplayed AP’s mishandling of the ball. “Not a problem. Adrian’s slavery remarks were so reckless, Twitter is willing to re-present him with replacement shatterproof trophies. We’re designing twin Twit Heads, one for each time he uttered his careless comments.”

Straight talk. No static.

MIKE – thee ultimate talking head on sports!


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