Boxing Promoter Don King Signs Lebron James’ Mom Following Miami Beach Scuffle (Satire)

(Satire) A wicked upper cut may have gotten Lebron James’ mom arrested earlier this week in Miami Beach for decking a slow moving valet attendant. But if flamboyant promoter Don King gets his way, Gloria James’ haymaker may also have secured her a record breaking pay-day inside the boxing ring.

King, boxing’s most cunning and controversial campaigner, was waiting in the same Hotel Fountainbleu valet area where Gloria James, wreaking of alcohol, unleashed her fists of fury on Rockerfeller Sorel.

King immediately separated the two before Miami Beach Police arrived to arrest James. Seizing upon the opportunity, King then excitedly shared with his entourage, “Imagine what damage Gloria James could yield inside the ring . . . if she were sober!”

News surfaced quickly yesterday from the headquarters of Don King Promotions in South Florida.  King had already initiated talks with HBO about a possible title bout featuring Gloria James and Laila Ali, arguably the world’s greatest female boxer ever and holder of a perfect 50 – 0 career record. 

Retired since 2007, Ali appeared anxious to return to the ring when interviewed and presented with the prospect of fighting again. Sporting a Cleveland Cavalier #23 jersey, the former IBA, WIBA and IWBF supermiddleweight champion said she plans to convey total angst toward her opponent for Lebron’s departing the Cavs and taking his talents to South Beach.

A fight of this magnitude, showcasing kin of Lebron James and Muhammad Ali, is certain to surpass King’s previous successes of the Thrilla in Manila and the Rumble in the Jungle.

When asked where he expects James and Ali to square off, King says he hopes to finalize arrangements with Cleveland’s Quicken Loans Arena, which has already offered to host the fight for free.

Las Vegas odds makers are bracing for a brisk betting bonanza.  They have already dubbed this eagerly anticipated bout, certain to be an early funeral for the 43-year-0ld Gloria James, the Wake on the Lake.

MIKE – thee ultimate talking head on sports!


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